These Roots Dig So Deep

Tall trees stand firm.
It's you I yearn,
I feel, I think, I may.

Small things carry a lot of weight.
I feel, I think, I may.

All the people's eyes,
All of these pupils,
tear down what I have to say.

These roots dig so deep.
These roots dig so deep.

Dark clouds block what you can't see.
I feel, I think it's me.

Is everyone like this?
Is everyone like me?
I feel, I think we'll see.

Saturated by the people and the things.
Luke-warm feelings.
Luke-warm feelings.

Jesus came and saved me.
Jesus pulled me out of that wet dirt.

Tall trees stand firm.
It's you I yearn,
I feel, I think it's me.

All the people's eyes,
All of these pupils,
tear down what I have to say.

These roots dig so deep.
These roots dig so deep.

Is everyone like this?
Is everyone like me?
I feel, I think we'll see.

what a clusterf*ck

As I flip back through the pages of my journal, I had a difficult time thinking of projects I could possibly form out of this cacophony of thoughts and feelings. Here are the three ideas I came up with:

Proposal 1: Song (music)

Proposal 2: Spoken word piece or poem (performance-based)

Proposal 3: a large scale painting (36” x 48”)

Last week, we were asked to write down then things that make us happy. My list consisted of general things like “family/home” “new experiences” “friends” but there were other items that truly define who I am and my happiness. “Music” is a huge part of my life. There isn’t a day that I don’t listen to it. “Work/productivity” is important to my happiness because it gives me a sense of accomplishment and worth, otherwise I’m bored and useless. “Creating” was the last on the list, but it isn’t the least. I love to create whether it’s writing, playing guitar, painting, drawing…etc. Ever since high school I have been interested in all forms of art. I would paint in my free-time, I would draw when I wasn’t paying attention in class, and I’d go to art shows. Looking at art-pieces that I have created act like a journal. I remember what medium was used, where I was, and why I chose this subject.

My first proposal is writing a song. It wouldn’t be my first song, but it would be a new experience using my journal and my own feelings, observations, thoughts. It would be interesting how I could transform this clusterfuck into something coherent and fluid. My second proposal was a spoken word piece. I have always been fascinated by this form of poetry. The emotion that is required to perform is remarkable and something I have always wanted to recreate. My third proposal is a large scale painting possibly 3’ x 4’. Returning to my passion of creating art would be refreshing and rewarding. I was thinking of focusing on a handful of pages of my journal and create a series of paintings or one symbolic piece. 

check out --->  http://slvstr.com/

This ant is still crawling

So after more closely looking at our syllabus I realized I wrote my response for the Happiness Project Chapter 8 a couple weeks ago (Life doesn’t get better than this). This post will not be redundant. At the bottom of page 208 and continuing on 209 a quote from Saint Bernard reminded me of a lesson I learned a long time ago, You will find something more in woods than in books. Trees and stones will teach you that which you can never learn from masters.

When I was a young dude, still in the middle years of high-school, I got in a really heated argument with my parents. They threatened to “kick me out” (they never really would’ve) while I was so arrogant I volunteered to leave, SMH.

I left my house in rage and went straight to the beach. I sat on the warm sand for an hour or so, I can’t remember how long exactly. But what I can remember exactly was what I was doing. I saw a small black ant traversing the monstrous hills of sand and out of boredom I would push a small mound over burying the ant. With my eyes fixed on the spot where the ant was last seen, a minute later a few grains of sand would move and the ant would come crawling out. I repeated this several times.

It taught me that an ant—something so small, so meaningless, and so brainless—will fight through a lot for another chance to live, a natural instinct. The ant continued crawling to God knows where and as for me I am still crawling as well.

I found “The Last Lecture” to be a great read and had a lot of lessons in just a handful of pages. Complaining does not work as a strategy. I like this quote because recently I have found myself complaining a lot. “I’m so busy. I’m so stressed. This summer blows.” None of these thoughts have improved my stress levels or reduce the amount of work I need to complete. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals.

The “Show Gratitude” chapter was very concise and I noted the quote that stood out to me, go out and do for others what somebody did for you. This quote made me think of the different teachers, coaches, friends, and family members that have taught me something of great value and to whom I should pass these lessons onto. 

Ethnography

Ethnography is participant-observation research. Ethnographers study cultures, i.e., the relationships, rituals, values, and habits that make people understand themselves as members of a group.

Including ethnography in your writing can be really useful, effective, but simultaneously disastrous and unfavorable. Ethnography is very personal. It’s a reflective piece consisting of experience and understanding, but instead of past experiences for analysis, it’s presently happening. Since ethnographies are about actual people there is potential for insult or wrongly interpreting your experience. There are so many processes that are possible to utilize this style. The key thing to remember is how will your audience respond to your writing. Seth Kahn gave a personal story of how the reaction of his audience to his writing was destructive. He lost contact with someone he truly respected. Kahn goes on to explain the importance of keeping identities of participants in field notes discrete.

I don’t have much experience with putting ethnographic writing in context. But as I am volunteering for an organization for Service Learning, I am internally analyzing my day to day work and my experiences working with these children. Everything I do and all the information I am given is confidential, just as my field notes should be. This program is completely based on participant observation. We as facilitators must monitor our participants and their behaviors, tendencies, and motivators.

All of this relates to writing personal journals because it leaves you aware and present. You have to understand what’s going on around you, understand why things are happening. Participant observation is a tool for writers to better understand people, relationships, and culture. 

Life doesn't get better than this

Rubin's Happiness Project Chapter 8

I found Rubin’s readings to be insightful. There were some quotes that really stood out to me. The first quote was in relation to mindfulness of death and memento mori. “But everything changes, everything passes.” It’s about seeing the “big picture” leading to the ability to enjoy the small details.

Rubin read memoirs of catastrophic circumstances, which gave her gratitude for not being in similar situations. When she read memoirs of serious illnesses, she was thankful for her health. It gave Rubin a certain realization. When her husband Jamie went to his liver doctor and the review was calmly, “no change.” She understood this no news to be great news!” I do believe it is important to realize this is great news rather than no news. This simple change of perspective can have a lasting impression on your sense of gratitude. The last few weeks I’ve been trying to live by a simple quote, “Gratitude’s the attitude.” When we notice the beauty all around us—SB, for example—you may appreciate the people and relationships that surround you as well. When a friend gave me great advice about a certain situation I was facing, I let him know how it positively affected my outlook on the situation. I thanked him, let him know it does not go unnoticed and showed appreciation for our long-living friendship.

Being present is crucial to being grateful. “You know what I was just thinking? ‘I’m in the pool, it’s summer, I’m seven years old, I’m wearing a very cute bathing suit, and my grandmother is asking me if I want anything to eat or drink.” By which she meant: life doesn’t get better than this. This innocence is accurate. A seven year-old understood where she was, what was going on around her, and had the mindfulness to appreciate the moment. A skill that many adults have still never grasped or understood. 

Art, Flight, Surf

“Me @ typewriter. ‘paintin in a cave’ windowless room. Jail cell looking sort of thing. -->typewriter: First Chapter…pause…section 1: cut to heavy ripping intro.” -Dane Reynolds

“Margarita is here from Milano. She is pregnant and I volunteer to be the godfather before she has a chance to ask." -Keith Haring

"After repairs, at 20 min. after 11 o’clock Will made the second trial…"-Orville Wright

Dane Reynolds, a world-renown professional surfer. Keith Haring, an 1980’s pop-art icon. Orville Wright, one of the Wright Brothers, who invented the first airplane. Each from different centuries and decades, what do these three men have in common? All three kept notes. All three kept a diary. All three kept a journal.

Dane’s legacy is still being forged as he continues to push the sport of professional surfing. In the late 1980s, Keith Haring left his deep and memorable impression on the world of street/fine-art. The perseverance through countless failures of the Wright Brothers can be seen everyday with a simple glance through the clouds. Beside each of their innovations and dramatic effects on their respective fields, they kept a documentation of their days, data, thoughts and plans, all evidence of their individual mindfulness.

Dane’s journals spawn from the more than a year-long making of his debut surf film. At 20 years old, it’s interesting to see how present and meticulous he was about the making of Dane Reynolds: First Chapter. He divides the film into sections and his journal carrries notes on how he wants the film to look and progress. His journal is a very VERY rough draft of a “screenplay” to his movie. “Me @ typewriter. ‘paintin in a cave’ windowless room. Jail cell looking sort of thing. typewriter: First Chapter…pause…section 1: cut to heavy ripping intro.” The writing is sloppy along with his cross-outs. Reynolds uses a lot of questions, creative thoughts and ideas that he isn’t 100% sure on. His notes are specific and exclusive. “section 1: heavy shredding? Opener. Something fresh. Not punk. Wierd beat. Section 2: Ideas cut up. Olivia tremor control?” He is simply focused on the feeling of the music and presentation for his introduction. Apparently these notes are just notes because the song for his intro is raw gritty punk music, ideas that he isn’t 100% sure on. His writing was based on planning for his production. Things to come in the future and his desires for the end product.

Keith Haring’s journal has a more traditional feel. His entries were detailed as Dane’s, but the contents are different. Haring wrote about his days, who he saw, met, and how he was feeling. His entries are from 1987, at the age of 29. Blue cursive on white grid-paper. He wrote of his friendships. “Margarita is here from Milano. She is pregnant and I volunteer to be the godfather before she has a chance to ask. She is delighted. That was the most exciting thing of the day besides the unveiling of Jeff Koons’ sculpture.” He also explains he meets Jeff Koons for the first time and says Koons seems nice. “He’s one of the few people from this group who are really interesting to me.”  It is a very detailed look into his life and how he was constantly surrounded by names that are respected, esteemed, famed. Koons, Warhol, Jean-Michel Basquait, He goes on to explain the rest of his night. Surprisingly, his entries are—in my opinion—dry, basic, dull, which is contrary to all his work and paintings. It seems he sits down at the end of the day and writes about what he did and when, I say at the end of the day because most of the times he discusses are rounded, “I wake up at 8AM…At 5PM I returned to BBDO with Jean…at 6:30 I began to paint with black  paint…we get to school at 8:30…” so on and so forth. Daily journaling.

Orville Wright’s journal was the most impressive in the sense of details, form, structure, and presentation. With beautiful cursive, annotations, and minimal cross-outs his data was clear. His entries were from December 17, 1903. Wright must have had a small notebook to write down numbers and data from flight trials and then later transfer data to a more formal journal. “A sudden dart when out about 100 feet from the end of the tracks ended the flight. Time about 12 seconds (not know exactly as watch was not promptly stopped)… After repairs, at 20 min. after 11 o’clock Will made the second trial… Dist. not measured but about 175ft. Wind speed not quite so strong.” This must have been an extremely exciting and inspiring time for the Wright Brothers’ work. Their machine was in flight and they were working on the controls. Orville writes in a very mechanistic-style, with little emotion mostly statements of occurrences, numbers.

These three gentlemen used journaling as a different tool. An artist used his journal for day-to-day remembrance. A surfer used his journal to plan and transcribe his vision. An inventor, determined to defy the laws of gravity, used his journal to document his data and research. Each of these individuals have/had their own purpose when it came to writing. Orville Wright’s and Keith Haring’s journals were far more similar than to Dane Reynolds’. Wright’s and Haring’s were similar in the sense of recapping and stating things that occurred. Mr. Reynolds’ journal encapsulated feelings, thoughts, ideas, questions, far from Orville’s recalling or Haring’s. The lesson to be learned is that these three dudes were aware and present.  

Orville Wright

Keith Haring

Rubin Biscuits and the Bones...

There was plenty that I enjoyed about this week’s reading of Writing Down the Bones, Happiness Project, and The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work. I thoroughly enjoyed the writing of Natalie Goldberg (Writing Down the Bones). She has a very conversational tone and a style as if she is in front of a classroom. There were some quotes in the reading that spoke to me and that are key for journaling. 1. “Capture the oddities of your mind” (p.9). Goldberg was describing the timed writing practices and some rules to follow. One rule emphasizing “Don’t think. Don’t get logical.” Since it’s a personal journal, you should forget about social politeness and ignore internal censor. “[Write] what your mind actually sees and feels, not what it thinks it should see or feel.” Another quote spoke to me. “When you are present, the world is truly alive” (p.10) meaning when you’re not consumed by superficial thoughts, but rather enjoying a moment the small detailed beauty around us will not go unnoticed. For instance, today was a beautiful day downtown and I decided to walk to a deli near AUSB. As I walked the few blocks on Anacapa, I noticed a tether of colorful balloons. Soft colors. I mused at the consistent style of architecture for Santa Barbara is so duly noted. I don’t normally take my time or leisurely walk the side streets of downtown, but at that moment I was present, I enjoyed almost everything around me. The small nuances.

As for the Happiness Project, I know there is a lot to be digested and absorbed through linings of thought in this book. One quick example was the email she wrote in response to a negative review she received from David Greenberg. Her positive and friendly email was an unnatural response. The review made her feel depressed, defensive, and angry, but she made herself do something she did not want to do, send a friendly email to Greenberg to show herself that she was confident enough to take criticism graciously. I enjoyed this anecdote because it is important for every writer to be humble enough to hear criticism of their work.

The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work was an intriguing read. It seemed to be written as a personal journal entry, appropriately. I appreciated the deep complex vocabulary used, but it made the reading a task rather than a pleasurable ride. I was constantly searching for definitions and synonyms (concomitant, disquisition, interlocutor, genuflect, etc.). Maybe it’s my lack of depth in vocab.