what a clusterf*ck

As I flip back through the pages of my journal, I had a difficult time thinking of projects I could possibly form out of this cacophony of thoughts and feelings. Here are the three ideas I came up with:

Proposal 1: Song (music)

Proposal 2: Spoken word piece or poem (performance-based)

Proposal 3: a large scale painting (36” x 48”)

Last week, we were asked to write down then things that make us happy. My list consisted of general things like “family/home” “new experiences” “friends” but there were other items that truly define who I am and my happiness. “Music” is a huge part of my life. There isn’t a day that I don’t listen to it. “Work/productivity” is important to my happiness because it gives me a sense of accomplishment and worth, otherwise I’m bored and useless. “Creating” was the last on the list, but it isn’t the least. I love to create whether it’s writing, playing guitar, painting, drawing…etc. Ever since high school I have been interested in all forms of art. I would paint in my free-time, I would draw when I wasn’t paying attention in class, and I’d go to art shows. Looking at art-pieces that I have created act like a journal. I remember what medium was used, where I was, and why I chose this subject.

My first proposal is writing a song. It wouldn’t be my first song, but it would be a new experience using my journal and my own feelings, observations, thoughts. It would be interesting how I could transform this clusterfuck into something coherent and fluid. My second proposal was a spoken word piece. I have always been fascinated by this form of poetry. The emotion that is required to perform is remarkable and something I have always wanted to recreate. My third proposal is a large scale painting possibly 3’ x 4’. Returning to my passion of creating art would be refreshing and rewarding. I was thinking of focusing on a handful of pages of my journal and create a series of paintings or one symbolic piece. 

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This ant is still crawling

So after more closely looking at our syllabus I realized I wrote my response for the Happiness Project Chapter 8 a couple weeks ago (Life doesn’t get better than this). This post will not be redundant. At the bottom of page 208 and continuing on 209 a quote from Saint Bernard reminded me of a lesson I learned a long time ago, You will find something more in woods than in books. Trees and stones will teach you that which you can never learn from masters.

When I was a young dude, still in the middle years of high-school, I got in a really heated argument with my parents. They threatened to “kick me out” (they never really would’ve) while I was so arrogant I volunteered to leave, SMH.

I left my house in rage and went straight to the beach. I sat on the warm sand for an hour or so, I can’t remember how long exactly. But what I can remember exactly was what I was doing. I saw a small black ant traversing the monstrous hills of sand and out of boredom I would push a small mound over burying the ant. With my eyes fixed on the spot where the ant was last seen, a minute later a few grains of sand would move and the ant would come crawling out. I repeated this several times.

It taught me that an ant—something so small, so meaningless, and so brainless—will fight through a lot for another chance to live, a natural instinct. The ant continued crawling to God knows where and as for me I am still crawling as well.

I found “The Last Lecture” to be a great read and had a lot of lessons in just a handful of pages. Complaining does not work as a strategy. I like this quote because recently I have found myself complaining a lot. “I’m so busy. I’m so stressed. This summer blows.” None of these thoughts have improved my stress levels or reduce the amount of work I need to complete. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals.

The “Show Gratitude” chapter was very concise and I noted the quote that stood out to me, go out and do for others what somebody did for you. This quote made me think of the different teachers, coaches, friends, and family members that have taught me something of great value and to whom I should pass these lessons onto. 

Ethnography

Ethnography is participant-observation research. Ethnographers study cultures, i.e., the relationships, rituals, values, and habits that make people understand themselves as members of a group.

Including ethnography in your writing can be really useful, effective, but simultaneously disastrous and unfavorable. Ethnography is very personal. It’s a reflective piece consisting of experience and understanding, but instead of past experiences for analysis, it’s presently happening. Since ethnographies are about actual people there is potential for insult or wrongly interpreting your experience. There are so many processes that are possible to utilize this style. The key thing to remember is how will your audience respond to your writing. Seth Kahn gave a personal story of how the reaction of his audience to his writing was destructive. He lost contact with someone he truly respected. Kahn goes on to explain the importance of keeping identities of participants in field notes discrete.

I don’t have much experience with putting ethnographic writing in context. But as I am volunteering for an organization for Service Learning, I am internally analyzing my day to day work and my experiences working with these children. Everything I do and all the information I am given is confidential, just as my field notes should be. This program is completely based on participant observation. We as facilitators must monitor our participants and their behaviors, tendencies, and motivators.

All of this relates to writing personal journals because it leaves you aware and present. You have to understand what’s going on around you, understand why things are happening. Participant observation is a tool for writers to better understand people, relationships, and culture.